SELLING YOUR SOUL
I think the key to selling your soul to the devil is to make sure you only sell 49% of it so that you retain controlling interest just in case you need to tell Satan to fuck off in a board meeting one day. I mean, yes, maybe I can feel even the gentlest of breezes blow through the big gaping hole in my integrity where he took his equity, but I don’t regret it. He’s actually been a great investor.
I remember when I was considering doing porn for the first time everyone warned me that my life would be ruined forever as I’d be cast into the firey pit of judgment where all the stones get thrown from people’s glasshouses. And they were right; the animosity from society is by far the most difficult part of being a pornstar. But I still don’t regret it, mostly because who gives a fuck about the opinion of people who are actually stupid enough to be throwing stones around in a house made of fucking GLASS? I’m no scientist but even I know that’s a bad idea.
But even after 8 years I still have nothing negative to say about the porn industry. I’ve had such indescribably beautiful days on set, laughing and fucking… getting paid. Some of the most intense and vibrant human connections I’ve ever experienced have been on set with a camera in my face, although I never noticed the camera. The mind-blowing orgasms, the sexual adventures, the opportunity to get fucked by sexual Olympians I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. And although fleeting, the affection and mutual understanding of being in the arms of someone you already love but may never see again is a beautiful expression of temporary art I’ll never forget. I find the people in our industry warm, wonderful, and open-minded. I’ve never witnessed a group of people with such comfort and awareness of their own bodies; I have always appreciated the art and love in sex workers. I love them. I love us.
At the end of the day I’m okay with my working business relationship with the devil. He’s a little intense, but often has “good” ideas we regret later but still enjoy in the moment. And since I still own 51% of my soul, I always have the final say so I can at least mislead myself to believe I’m still in control. I’m still the same weird Canadian tomboy kid that can’t do her makeup… I just might go get gangbanged if you cheat on me now. That’s all.
Anyway, I find that once you ruin your reputation you can live quite freely. I think I would indeed sell my soul to the devil again.