This afternoon I had an electrician here fixing whatever’s wrong with my house now and I think I either broke his heart or joined a cult or both… either way I think I fucked it up.
I was downstairs in my backyard staining the new wood table I just finished building when he arrived. We worked side by side in the yard together on our different projects for some time, while muffled music played on his phone through the denim pocket it was tucked into. It sounded like classic rock to me, but I wasn’t paying attention, and I could barely hear it anyway. Plus I was higher than I needed to be on edibles, as always, and couldn’t be fucked to pay attention to his details.
“Oops, sorry about the music” he says, “I can lower it”
He’s kinda blushing and acting itchy weird. I could feel his awkwardness from a mile away but I didn’t understand why and it felt like he wanted me to insist, so I did.
“Aw, don’t worry about, I LOVE this song… don’t worry, let it play!!” I respond, stoned out of my fucking mind.
Turns out I did in fact NOT love that song, I couldn’t even hear it, but my blind enthusiasm inspired nothing but encouragement, so it encouraged him as encouragement does. His face lit up. I already forgot what we were talking about.
“What… seriously? I can’t believe it, this is my favorite song!! It’s so hard to find people who still BELIEVE!! What church do you go to?” he continues.
I freeze. Oh no, what have I done? I make that ‘yikes’ face with my neck muscles and wince at what comes next, but it comes anyway. He takes his phone out of his pocket all excited-like and puts it on the table so we can better hear the lyrics and I quickly realize it’s not classic rock I said I loved, it’s Christian rock.
“Jesus saves, Jesus will save us all, I love Jesus, I will scream it from the hilltops!! Jesus woohoo!!” the song sings… or something like that you know, all the things. He smiles at me and says,
“I’m so happy to meet someone else with faith, go with god my child”
Okay I’m making up what he said at this point, but it was at at moment I realized I’m going to disappoint someone again today.
I look at him and try not to look terrified but all I can think about is: am I going to catch on fire now? Is he going to find out who I am, and what horribly perverted things I’ve done with my mouth? Is he going to figure out I don’t even know what Christian Rock is, and if so am I going to hell for that too? These and other anxieties coming to a theater near me every time someone asks me about religion.
Anyway he finished his work for the day but he’s coming back tomorrow to finish, I’ll keep you updated. At the very least I hope he doesn’t see my Best Blowjob Award sitting on my bookshelf.