DIARY Kissa Sins 2 years agoJanuary 10, 20228030 views

DIE BEFORE YOU DIE

This was the most intense dream I’ve ever had that completely changed my life:

In the dream I was in downtown LA with someone I loved (but couldn’t specifically identify), and suddenly this massive bomb went off very close by, and it was fucking CHAOS. It felt so real… I could feel the bomb in my heart and can still smell the smoke and fear in the air. Then, moments later, there was another bomb and then another, and somehow it became obvious in dreamland that the people doing the bombings were targeting government buildings. So we looked on an old paper map (that we had for some reason) to see where we were, and realized the hotel we were staying at was right above a bank, so we panicked even more than before, realizing we could be next.

We started manically packing our things. We could hear screaming from outside and sirens and terror. We just kept shoving what we needed in bags as fast as possible so we could try and escape. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw them. A group of men I immediately knew were the ones about to bomb our building, rushing past our window. One of the guys even stopped for a moment and made this horrible, chilling eye contact with me through the glass, and the worst fear I’ve ever felt in my life consumed me.

I dropped all the stuff I was packing and realized none of it had any value. I had this insane moment of clarity where I knew I was going to die, and all I wanted to do was to hold the person I loved. So I told the other person to stop packing and to come here, and I said:

“They are here… this is it.”

We dropped all of our bullshit material items and collapsed into each other’s arms on the floor, hugging and crying as hard as we could. It was this beautiful kind of moment that melted all the fear we felt and instead exposed the true meaning of life and connection, and I felt so much love and peace. With my head on his chest, shaking in terror, I whispered to him:

“Die before you die, and realize there is no death.”

Something I’ve read a million times in books about Buddism but never truly understood until now. Suddenly we felt nothing but love, seemingly bursting out of our chests it was so intense. It was suddenly so obvious that my entire life spent worrying about everything never mattered. Money never mattered. Possessions never mattered. Social status, what people thought about me, what I accomplished, all the complexities of government and politics… never mattered. What mattered at the end of my life was love and nothing else.

We braced for the impact of the bomb, knowing it was coming any second. And in those few moments of true love and understanding, I felt more love than in all the moments of my life combined. We said one final I LOVE YOU, and that was it. The bomb obliterated us to nothing but dust.

I know it’s said to be rare to die in a dream, but we did, and it didn’t matter. Because the peace we felt before the death was more beautiful than anything I had ever experienced before. I had died before I died and realized there was no death. And now I finally understand why every zen master and spiritual teacher teaches that. How intense right!!!!

Love always, Kissa Sins