I just wrote such a funny chapter in my book just now about how I have “no idea why I’m so fucked up and get so depressed” and then proceeded to spill my guts for 30 minutes straight about exactly WHY I’m so fucked up, and also depressed, and reading it back is hilarious. Like GIRL… you know exactly why you’re depressed shut the fuck up, stop playing hahah

First of all, I was born fucking weird; even as a kid I questioned the nature of reality and religion and everything really; I always felt like I was alone in a crowded room, even when I was surrounded by 10 of my mom’s drunk friends. I remember, even then, wondering what the fuck was going on with life and what’s real and what’s not and thinking something bigger was going on. So I was ALREADY FUCKED but wait it gets better lol

So I was born weird to start.
Then my mom so generously added years and years of violent childhood trauma to my spicy autistic mix that I have never properly dealt with.
Then I proceeded to do hardcore drugs and drink my liver to death for the next 20 years which is still ongoing lol.
Oh, and then I did PORN for a decade!!

I WONDER WHAT WENT WRONG, I ASKED hahahah

Also, for the record, writing a book has been really cool for this blog because now I realize this blog is just a dump of thoughts… I was previously a little insecure about writing here because I wanted it to be “good” but it doesn’t have to be fucking “good”, does it? I can save good for my book. I will reserve my late-night thoughts bullshit for this blog.

Hope u like it sorrrrrry but not really in advance hahahah